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At first, I was going to title this post, “Common Courtesy,” meaning the basic level of politeness that you expect from someone, but I realized that “common,” in this usage, is very subjective. Your background, location, generation, etc. all influence the expectations you have of others and that others have of you.

“Expect” is a bit of hurdle in that definition, too. Even if I press the point and suggest that there are some universal behaviors that show respect for and affirm the dignity of others, I have come to believe that (in the U.S. at least), we have drastically lowered our expectations about those behaviors occurring.

I understand that I write this piece from a place of privilege, and given my age, I could likely be accused of being “old school.” Still, I have never met a person of any background that doesn’t feel the sting of being disrespected or ignored.

When I was grocery shopping last week and found myself in a particularly crowded aisle, I smiled at an older gentleman who was stuck in this cart traffic jam, too. To my surprise, he not only smiled back but also said, “Thank you so much for smiling. That really brightened my day.” As you can imagine, that brightened my day.

I am prone to smiling at people, holding doors open, saying “excuse me” if I inadvertently get in someone’s way – all things ingrained in me by my parents. It never fails to amaze me when people seem shocked by those behaviors. In that grocery aisle, though, I noticed that other people had looks of impatience on their faces or were actively trying to prevent making eye contact. My smile was the uncommon behavior, as was my engagement in additional pleasantries with the gentleman until the path was finally cleared for us to continue our shopping.

To be fair, I have been the recipient of many courteous acts by others. Courtesy does exist; it just seems harder to find. It feels especially waning in our digital interactions. When we are in-person and someone says hello, we tend to say hello back. If we hand someone a report, they generally say thank you. When we send an email or text, we often forgo courtesy for conciseness, and when we get a message, we can forget that there is a person on the other end of that communication who is waiting and wondering if we received it.

While I appreciate the value of not overloading someone’s Inbox (and I have very strong opinions about avoiding “Reply All” for that very reason), a courteous and quick act of replying “thanks” or “received” – or even giving a thumbs up reaction if your email program has that feature – is a reminder to the other person that you see and value them.

I am working to adjust, not necessarily lower, my expectations of others, recognizing that expectations may differ around what is courteous and why it is important – and the courteous thing for me to do is show others grace. That said, I am also maintaining my commitment to behave, both in-person and online, in ways that I perceive to be courteous with words and actions that show respect and consideration for others.

I invite you to join me in role modeling courtesy as often as possible. You will feel good, make others feel good, and perhaps teach and inspire others to be more consistently courteous, too. Who knows … maybe we can start a movement, and courtesy will become common again.